


Catch Me If You Can

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fic, Random - Freeform, The Hobbit - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 09:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17019912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: The reader is in her cups and also on Thorin's nerves.





	Catch Me If You Can

**Based on:**  <http://imaginexhobbit.tumblr.com/post/114936791253/imagine-getting-drunk-for-the-first-time-and-the>   
(I’ve done this imagine before but don’t curr).

The tavern was crowded and raucous as you sat between Kili and Fili, downing your third stein of ale. The brothers made the best drinking partners as they could hold their own and most of the other dwarves preferred their alcohol in silence. You had quite the tolerance yourself, you never had much issue keeping your wits, even at the bottom of the barrel. You had not ever been truly and well drunk.

It had been a long day, everyone was overjoyed to be in the same place at the same time and you had spent most of your energy keeping up with the troublesome Durins. The had dropped a beetle down the back of your tunic and then you had coated them in a mud puddle. You had gotten quite a lot done and a drink was in order. You raised your empty stein and called for another which was promptly placed in front of you, dark and welcoming.

“Another?” Fili looked over at you, “I’m still on my first.”

“That’s because you’re a lightweight,” You replied, taking a gulp.

“Or you have a problem,” Kili cackled at his own joke.

“Maybe that problem is you,” You returned with a wry grin.

“Oh, ouch,” He held his hand to his chest in feigned pain, “Right where it hurts.”

“I know a few places that would hurt a lot more,” You downed the rest of the stein in one swig.

“Seriously, what is wrong with you?” Fili stared at your empty stein and you gave another signal for more, “You’re a drinker but you never been like this.”

You didn’t know yourself, you were just stressed, anxious, and quite frankly you had been in a bad mood for a week now. You took the next stein with a small tip of your head to the brothers and drained half the stein before slamming it down to slosh over the sides. You’re head began to ripple and you began to forget your emotions. Sweet, simple, alcohol.

The table lined with dwarves was only getting louder and you joined the din, joking around with the brothers. You kept winking at Dwalin every time he looked your way in hopes that you could fluster him a little bit. Besides, there was silver for you in it if he left before the night was over.

“Eh, Dwalin,” You slurred down the table, he looked at your grumpily and you stuck you tongue out, his growl made the table erupt in laughter, “Aw, come on, you’re a strapping one.” You winked at him, wiggling your shoulder in an attempt to flirt.

“You couldn’t handle the likes of me,” Dwalin grumbled and you laughed.

“Or you can’t handle me,” You turned back to your stein, what one was this? Nine? Ten?

A tune began to play through the sound of voices and you put your arms around the Durins, swaying with them to the beat. They laughed at you as you got more into it and you giggled once more. The music was delightful and you were suddenly full of energy, the alcohol feeding your body.

You climbed onto the table clumsily, Fili catching you before you tumbled back. You rubbed his head in thanks before you stood on the table and found your balance, beginning to do a drunk jig in the middle of the table.

“Get down from there, lass,” Bofur called, “You’ll crack your skull open.”

“I done it thrice already, another won’t hurt,” You had never been known for your grace.

“I can see how,” Thorin said from his end of the table.

“Aw, come on, loosen up,” You kept your feet moving to the rhythm, before you slipped and fell across the table, landing on your elbows, “Oh, that was fun.” The table laughed.

“I think you should get down now,” Thorin warned and you huffed.

“No, I think I’ll stay,” You began to crawl across the table towards him, “I’ll just stay low, the fall will be softer.”

“Mahal,” He mumbled and looked back to Balin, ignoring you as you got closer.

“Ooh, ale,” You found his stein was mostly full and you grabbed the handle, sprawled across the table.

“My ale,” He put his hand around yours on the handle.

“You don’t seem to be drinking it,” You tried to pull it to you, “Don’t want it going to waste.”

“I think enough ale has gone to waste in your stomach already,” He pulled it back towards him.

You released his stein and turned onto your side, remembering the bald dwarf beside you. You supported your head on your elbow and put your other hand on your hip.

“How are you, darling?” You purred.

“You silly creature,” He tried not to look at you as you struck a pose.

“Aw, that is so sweet of you,” You winked again and he gave you the closest thing to a smile he had.

“I think you should get down,” He advised as you reached for his stein this time, he pulled it away.

“Why don’t you take me down then?” You gave a coy smirk.

“You’re not that drunk,” He frowned again and you gave up on earning the silver.

“Yes, you’re right,” You turned back onto your stomach, wriggling to Thorin again, who was talking deeply with Balin.

You slowly neared his stein, he didn’t seem to notice your careful movement as you got closer to the lip of the cup. You finally had your mouth on it and you tipped it cautiously until the cool liquid began to pour into your mouth.

“You sneaky little–,” Thorin’s voice was stone as he turned to find you draining his stein, you looked up wide eyed but kept gulping,“I told you to get off the table.”

“But I’m thirsty,” You whined drunkenly.

“There’s plenty of ale elsewhere,” He wrenched the empty stein from your hand.

“Dwalin, pass me your stein,” You reached back blindly only to have the bald dwarf slap your hand away.

“Right, that’s it, I’m getting you off that table,” Thorin stood, his chair scraping back and he reached for you and you managed to snake away, sitting up and rolling backwards out of reach. Your drunken acrobatics were impressive. You turned and pushed yourself dizzily to you feet, running over the wooden surface towards the other end. You couldn’t help but kick a few steins as you did so.

You neared the end, eager to get to the tavern door, thinking you could hear Thorin behind you on the table. You were a step from the end and you vaulted forward as Thorin stepped in front of the far end of the table and you crashed into him chest first, knocking him to the floor.

“Wow, how did you do that?” You sat back on top of him as he sprawled below you.

“I used the floor,” His blue eyes shone with irritation.

“Oh,” You mused, “Well, I’ll just be going.” You stood up and went to step away, but he caught your ankle and you fell back hard onto the floor.

“And where would you be going?” He got to his feet and stood over you.

“For another ale,” You answered, taking the proferred hand.

“No, no more of that,” He said and you slid your hand from his.

“Barmaid,” You called and he stepped toward you.

You backed up, hitting a stool with your butt, putting yourself behind it before he could grab you. You lifted it and began to fend him off like some wild animal, “Back!” You jabbed it towards him, “Back!”

“Stop that,” He grabbed the leg and wrenched it out of your hands, there was laughter coming from the table again

“Noooooooo,” You turned to run away but he caught you by the back of your tunic, pulling you back.

“You’re going to sit down and calm down,” He pulled another stool up and pushed you onto it like a naughty child.

“Fine,” You pouted as he sat on one beside you, holding onto your wrist in case you tried to flee.

“You were so close, [Y/N],” Kili called over his shoulder as you sat awkwardly, restrained by Thorin.

You wondered if you could trick him. You had to get away, you could smell the fermented odor of ale close by. You closed your eyes and began to lean forward subtly, pretending that you were about to doze. You gave a slight wobble and he loosened his grasp on you, enough to slip out.

You pulled away in a flash, your stool clattering to the ground as you ran back towards the table. You could hear his heavy steps behind you and you rounded to the other side, trying to hide behind Dwalin. The dwarf shrugged your hands off his shoulders and Thorin was two feet away. You backed away, your head beginning to swim and laughter filled your ears.

“Come on,” You pleaded, “I learned my lesson.” You stepped backwards further.

“No, I don’t think you have,” He neared and you grabbed a stein off the table, trying to drink it as you continued in reverse, “Exactly,” He growled and tore the ale from your hands before it met your lips, his other hand on your arm.

“This is enough!” He pulled you back around the table, your feet slipping over the worn wooden floor, “You are going to sit down for ten minutes without moving, or drinking, or anything else.”

He picked up the stool you had upended and he pushed you back onto it and you stared at him with resent.

“You are putting me in time out?” You asked, incredulous as the idea.

“If you are going to be a child,” He held your shoulder firmly this time.

“Hmmm,” You sighed, “Fine, ten minutes. I can wait.”

You sat silently as the other dwarves continued to laugh, making snide comments as you frowned on your stool. Another idea was forming in your drunken mind; when you were drunk, you could be quite the genius.

“Thorin,” You whispered, as if you didn’t want anyone to hear.

“What?” He looked at you with irritation.

“I’ve got to tell you something,” You kept your voice low, “It’s a secret.”

“I don’t have time for your secrets,” He turned away and you poked him in the ribs.

“Really, it’s important,” You gave him your most innocent look, “It will only take a second.” You waved him nearer so you could whisper in his ear.

“Fine, get on with it,” He leaned in and you did too.

“Guess what?” You slurred the drunken whisper.

“What?” He sounded exasperated.

“This,” You used your free arm to turn his chin with your hand and you planted a kiss right on his lips, his hand released you in surprise.

You had planned to peck and run but you were drunk and he was pretty when you were drinking. You held his head in your hands and pulled him closer, he was still half-sat in his chair. The laughter which had been nearly constant was gone. You slid your tongue across his lips and he obliged, you drunkenly continued to kiss him.

“It’s not much of a secret, I know,” You finally pulled away from him, “But it was a great diversion.”

He looked at you with confusion before the spark of realization crossed his face but it was too late, you were halfway to the door.


End file.
